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Archive for January, 2009

how i wish time could stand still. for a week. for a day. for two hours. for everything to just stop and be still and to have time. time that will not feel as though it were wasted spent just being alone inside your head. time to digest and mentally move forward. time to catch up, re-fuel.

i can not even begin to take measure of all that has happened over the past year. the mere thought of it is daunting. with christmas and the new year coming at such a time for my family -right on the heels of the trial– it feels as though there simply is no time. there has been so much that has happened this year. the effects of which i feel deserve an amount of consideration and reflection i am just unable to give it at the moment. i feel as though i have spent much of this year aware, involved and in tune and i do look forward to exploring the hidden meanings, mysteries and lessons that only come with that kind of really honest, thoughtful reflection.

this year has felt as though it has raced by. much of it has begun to blend in my memory, so i am thankful i picked up my mother’s habit of keeping a hanging calendar to mark important dates, as it lately has been something i find very useful. i will have to refer to it when sorting out the many events that occured in my life and in the lives of those around me this year. its unfortunate i can’t seem to do it in time for the new year. to be able to start 2009 with that feeling like you have a direction to go in. goals to meet.

so i will start the new year behind in that sense, and i am ok with that. because i know that i have already learned many things this year that have touched me in ways that i keep with me. i know that i have grown. and if i know anything, i know that life is right now. its what you make it. it’s not so much the idea that life is short, but it’s close. sometimes life is short, but you know – sometimes it’s long. what i have learned is that it’s the time that you have with the people who you are with in your life right now that is short. some of them you will lose without expecting it, some of them will move away, or simply drift apart from you. if you think about it, not many of the people you speak to on a regular basis right now will you still be talking to in say, 20 or 30 years. but these are the memories you will have. you’re making them -you’re living them- right now.

so let’s make them. live them. enjoy them.

right now.

“it’s been a long december and there’s reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last. i can’t remember all the times i’ve tried to tell myself to hold on – to these moments as they pass. ” counting crows

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